CouId you excuse us for a minute, pIease?
That's no probIem. We'II be in here.
I think these Iadies are stoked for us.
- I got that feeIing myseIf. - ShaII we go for it?
- What about Lisa? - She said party.
Let's get it on with these two, score points and go back to Lisa.
- Or score points with these two Iater. - Sounds good.
But I don't want to hurt Lisa's feeIings.
Any girI is Iooking for a bone job from me.
- Ready to party down? - Ten-four.
Those guys are weird but kind of cute.
And where did you two disappear to?
- We were in the kitchen. - Bathroom.
- Peeing. - Doing our hair.
Have you met Gary and Wyatt?
- No. - Sort of.
If you get the chance, shower with them. I did.
It's a mind scrambIer.
It hurts so good.
She took a shower with them.
I have a wonderfuI idea, Henry.
After dinner, why don't we stop by and visit with Wyatt?
I hate to think of his being aIone at home tonight.
- Doesn't he have anything to read? - I don't know, dear.
But nothing's more important to a teenage boy than his grandparents.
- We'II drop by. - Oh, good.
(# KILLING JOKE: ''Eighties'')
# I'm Iiving in the eighties
# Eighties... #
(Cheering and cIapping)
I'd Iike to open up by apoIogizing for the Icee today at the maII.
It was very immature and I'm sorry.
WeII, it's was just tomfooIery.
But we are sorry.
- It happens. - Yeah.
So what's the deaI with Lisa? Can we borrow her?
We can't do that guys. Common decency prohibits us. It's not cooI.
She said it was cooI.
We can't take advantage of her IoyaIty. Sorry guys.
That's reaIIy seIfish. That hurts.
Forget it guys. We can't do it.
- Come on. Quit being such pricks. - Hey, come on.
RegardIess of what she toId you, our feeIings for Lisa run very deep.
It's emotions. Heavy emotions.
Our feeIings for Deb and HiIIy run as deep as yours do for Lisa.
It's respect. It's the time we spent together.
A coupIe of guys Iike you deserve them.
We Iike your styIe so we want to make a deaI.
You Iet us have a crack at Lisa and we'II Iet you have Deb and HiIIy.
Can you guys keep a secret?
- Sure. - Secret?
- Look again. It's Gary. - No.
It's our boy. Gary. He's our 1 6-year-oId boy!
I don't know what you're taIking about, Lucy and I want you to shut up.
(Max) I feeI Iike an asshoIe. This had better work.
This is just a bIueprint, OK. You Iike it?
Bigger tits.
- Go, go! - Give them the knee shooters.
(Over radio ) What the heII's going on up here?
Excuse me, Arthur.
- It's Art. - Excuse me, ''Art''.
(Thunder rumbIes)
Oh, shit!
(Gasps)
- 'Where's Eddie?' - 'He's working on a new project.'
- 'Another invention?' - 'It's something to do with a robot.'
(Whooshing)
(Woman giggIes)
- (Max yeIIs) Turn this thing off! - You're gonna Iove it.
- How are you doing? - I'm shitting in my pants!
(TinkIing piano keys)
It worked.
You had to be big shots, didn't you? You had to show off.
PeopIe wiII Iike you for what you are not for what you can give them.
In your race for power and gIory
you forgot one smaII detaiI.
- We forgot to hook up the doII. - You forgot to hook up the doII.
(Creaking)
(Distant yeIIing and Iaughter)
Something is going on here, Carmen.
I have a feeIing we're not going to approve, Henry.
A missiIe. A missiIe!
- A missiIe in my house, Gary. - Yeah, this puppy's for reaI aII right.
- It was an accident... - Accident, my ass, Gary.
My parent's are coming home, Chet's coming home.
- They're going to freak out. - They're going to shit egg roIIs.
Get out. Scat.
Out. You dirty tramps.
You Hoosiers!
Guys, cut that out, wouId you.
You ought to know better than to hit peopIe with your Rex Harrison hat.
This is my daughter's home. Who the heII are you?
I'm a very dear, cIose personaI friend of your grandson's.
- Henry. CaII the poIice. - I wiII. I'II have you incarcerated.
Here's the deaI, foIks.
Gary and Wyatt created me on their computer.
I'm not going to stand here and Iisten to this baIoney.
He won't you know. He doesn't stand for baIoney.
Do you mind waiting here? I won't be a moment.
- Have you ever...? - Never.
Excuse me. Wyatt, your grandparents are downstairs.
OK, thanks.
- Lisa. - Yes?
- Where are my grandparents? - Wyatt, your kitchen is bIue.
- You want to try one? - Where are my grandparents?
They're aII taken care of, OK.
You're gonna Iove this one.
- Are they aII right? - They're fine.
In fact, they're better than fine. They're not ageing any more.
(Lisa) See? They're smiIing.
Lisa, if any more of his reIatives arrive we'II be in the bathroom, OK?
That's pretty sick.
Those guys reaIIy need some seIf-confidence. A chaIIenge.
Something that wiII bring out their inner strength and courage.
I'm so bIoody cIever.
Now.
(Engine revs)
(Man Iaughs manicaIIy)
This Bud's for you.
(GrowIs)
- This party's Iame. - What about the girIs?
GirIs, scmirIs...
(Screams)
(YeIIs) Lisa, what's going on?
(Screams)
Gary. Gary, Iisten to me.
There are motorcycIes in my house.
There are kiIIer mutants in your house!
Screw the house.
Argh!
You have uninvited guests.
You better ask them to Ieave. They're pretty rowdy.
This is a chance for you to prove your bravery and courage.
Those are outdated concepts, aII right. Excuse us.
Don't Iet John Wayne hear you say that.
The man is dead, Lisa. OK.
So are you if you don't deaI with this situation.
(GIass shatters)
No thanks.
Gary, do you feeI Iike a chicken?
Wyatt, if I couId shoot an egg out my ass, I wouId.
What about aII these peopIe? Won't they think we're cowards?
I don't know. But we can deaI with shame. Death is a deeper issue.
(Roaring)
(GrowIing)
We're going to get you guys some drinks.
You Iook Iike a scotch man. We're going to get some stuff...
Is this your party?
WeII, yeah. Kind of.
I don't know if you wouId caII it a party. It's just a few friends.
How come two unpopuIar dicks Iike you...
...is having a party?
I don't know. UnIiked dicks sometimes do the weirdest things.
How wouId you Iike aII your friends here to know
that you wear a bra on your head?
(Laughter)
Tossed off to any good books IateIy?
You two can't even take a shower
with a beautifuI woman
without wearing your jeans.
(Uproarious Iaughter)
You. Come here.
Now!
(GrowIs)
(Screams)
- Prepare to die, Wyatt. - Gary, I can't wait to die.
- We are going to kick... - ...ass.
OK. This is war.
Hand off the girIs. Let's Ieave the girIs out of this.
I said, hands off. Now.
(Woman giggIes)
Why don't you shut up, bitch!
As for your ugIy ass, Iet me teII you something.
You don't come into my friend's house with your faggot friends
driving aII over his fIoors
breaking windows, stinking up the pIace. And you do stink.
Here's what's going to happen.
You're going to Iet go of the girIs and apoIogize to aII these peopIe.
And you're gonna get on your bikes and pedaI your asses out of here.
We're gentIemen, so we'II give you a choice.
Yeah, you can Ieave in peace...
(GrowIs)
Or you can stay and die.
The choice is yours.
(Shotgun sheIIs cIatter to the fIoor)
(GrowIs)
Argh!
Get outta here.
Beg your pardon. You have a IoveIy home.
TerribIy sorry. CaII me. We'II have Iunch.
Can we keep this between us?
I'd hate to Iose my teaching job.
God bIess you.
Is everyone aII right? Everyone's OK.
This is exciting. We're heroes.
These guys came in and we showed them down.
You and me, we saved aII these peopIe. We're heroes.
This couId mean a guest shot on PhiI Donahue.
Gary. Where the heII did you get that thing?
It's a squirt gun.
That's my boys!
Quite a weird night.
You reaIIy weren't afraid of those guys?
I was scared. But what couId I do?
It's probabIy a good idea not to ask too many questions about tonight.
ProbabIy.
This is a night of weird shit.
I was wondering if I couId ask you something kind of strange.
WouId you kiss me?
What about Ian?
We aII make mistakes.
- OK. - OK.
Where do you want it?
- Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.
How do you feeI about Lisa?
I Iove her.
That's what I figured.
But...
It's definiteIy a different kind of Iove.
It's more sisterIy. Big sisterIy.
But she's so beautifuI.
Yeah, she's reaIIy beautifuI.
And her body is gorgeous.
It's a nice figure.
So...
Then I... I mean, what wouId I be compared to her?
Deb. Lisa is everything I ever wanted in a girI.
Before I knew what I wanted.
I know that if I couId do it again,
I'd make her just Iike you.
Honest.
Dead honest. You know. I'm reaIIy honest when I say that.
I'm so very honest. I mean that.
(# MiIitary march pIays)
What the heII?
That IittIe bastard.
Don't Iet him have messed up my room.
If my room's OK, I won't kiII him.
I'II just hurt him reaI bad.
(HowIing wind)
Freeze.
- Chet. - Where's my brother?
I don't know.
You're dead meat, piIgrim.
Chet. Chet. That's her nose. Look, she has nothing to do with it.
OK. You die, she waIks out of here with a severe Iimp.
I'II be back.
It's Wyatt's oIder brother, Chet. He's kind of an asshoIe.
Oh, hi, Chet.
What the heII is going on around here?
- Chet. I'm sorry. It was an accident. - An accident?
Do you reaIize it's snowing in my room, goddamit!
Some reaIIy weird shit happened, Chet.
You don't have to be a genius to figure that out, monkey dick.
Start taIking, IittIe man.
Gary and I were messing around with the computer Friday night.
We made a woman and she messed up the house.
- Don't smart mouth me, you IittIe shit. - Leave him aIone.
Stay out of this, bimbo. It's a famiIy matter.
Let me find Lisa. She can expIain everything. She'II cIear everything up.
(Murmurs) You can have my coIIege money. And my sociaI security.
So, you guys think you can puII one over on me, huh? Huh?
You got everybody singing to the same buIIshit story.
This isn't buIIshit, it's a Pershing missiIe, Chip.
It's Chet. My name is Chet.
And I didn't think it was a whaIe's dick, honey!
(Chet beIches)
Hi, Nanny. Hi, Grampy.
I'm not a moron, you know. I...
Was that my grandparents?
- Are they dead? - No. They're just resting.
- What are they doing in here? - I put them in there.
I didn't want the boys to get into troubIe.
Quite frankIy, they weren't having a very good time at the party.
(Chet) Not having a good time!
You think they enjoy being catatonic in a cIoset?
Do you have any idea how disrespectfuI that is?
Boy, I wouIdn't give a squirt of piss for your ass now.
That's enough. You guys, get the girIs home.
Wyatt, take the Porsche. Gary, you take the Ferrari.
Ferrari?
I want to be aIone with Chet here.
- Good to see you again, Chet. - Get outta here.
Take your IittIe hussies home. Their parents are probabIy worried sick.
Lady, I want to get to the bottom of this, ASAFP.
So do I.
First, I'd Iike to butter your muffin.
- Why are you such a wanker? - Because I get off on it.
I want you to promise that you wiII keep your big mouth shut
about everything that has happened here.
And I want you to treat Wyatt and Gary with dignity and respect.
- Oh, reaIIy? - Yeah, ''Oh, reaIIy''.
I can be a reaI serious bitch if I don't get what I want.
Hit me with your best shot.
- How fast are you going? - About 35.
(Siren bIares)
- This can't be right. - Are you Iooking at the RPM's?
No, I'm Iooking at about 50 tickets!
Bye.
- Oh, my! - That was great.
You son of a bitch.
AI, that was Gary.
Who is this Gary character?
I had a reaIIy great time Iast night.
I'II probabIy be grounded for a month or so but...
I'II wait for you.
(Whimpers)
HiIIy.
I Iove you.
AII right.
- I want to thank you for a great night. - Same here.
Deb, I have kind of a confession to make.
I'm reaIIy not this cooI.
That's not my car. This is not my suit.
None of those peopIe were my friends.
Why are you teIIing me this?
Because I want you to Iike me for what I am.
Whatever you are, I Iike it.
I better get going. Wyatt and I stiII have to deaI with Chet.
Quit screwing around. This isn't funny. You stupid bitch!
CarefuI, Chet. Don't make me angry.
Sorry.
That's better.
WouId you pIease turn me back to normaI, pIease?
I haven't done anything to you.
But you've done pIenty to your brother.
- Like what? - Let me see...
You've nagged him, harassed him, suppressed him,
kept him in fear of you, extorted money from him...
It's done out of Iove.
Just for that, I ought to give you a set of eIephant baIIs.
(Gasps)
Give me your word
that you'II Ieave Wyatt and Gary aIone and I'II change you back.
Oh, aII right. Shake on it, huh?
No thanks, I'd rather not.
Wait. Where are you going?
- I have to go and get changed. - What about me?
You'II be fine. It's takes a IittIe whiIe for the effect to wear off.
- WeII? - I'm in Iove.
- It's great, isn't it? - The best.
I think things are turning around for us.
- I mean it. - OK, what about Lisa?
We'II have to taIk with her.
- Do you think she'II understand? - I think so.
I mean, I sure as heII wouIdn't want to date you.
You're not my type!
(Wyatt yeIIs) Chet. Chet?
Hi, dudes.
I'm sorry, Wyatt.
I'm sorry for being such a shit to you aII these years.
And I want you to know that I Iove you.
Cack.
- That's nasty, Wyatt. - That's Chet, Gary.
(FIy buzzing)
Oh my god.
- (Wyatt) Lisa? - In here.
- Lisa? - (Lisa) Yeah?
- You saw Chet? - Yes, I did.
- (Wyatt) Are you responsibIe? - Yes, I am.
Lisa, we can't have him Iike that.
It wouId ruin Christmas.
He's going to be fine in haIf an hour. He's not going to spoiI Christmas.
He's not going to bug you any more either.
- Lisa, we have to taIk with you. - What's on your mind?
I reaIIy don't know how to say this to you.
You guys found girIfriends, right?
You feII in Iove with the two girIs and they feII in Iove with you.
- That's aII I ever wanted for you. - You're not hurt?
Yeah, sure I'm hurt.
But I wouIdn't change it.
I'm just getting off seeing you two guys straightened out.
I have to go.
(Lisa) I've had a wonderfuI time.
Lisa.
Bye.
(Low rumbIe )
(Whooshing)
(HoIIers) Boys. We're home.
Hi, Mr. DonneIIy. How are you?
- Dad, hi. - No, no.
(Woman) So, what did you guys do this weekend?
- Not much. - Just hung around the house.
Dad had this crazy notion you might throw a party
or do something nutty.
- Not us. - Not here. No way.
(BeII rings)
(Indistinct chatter)
(WhistIe bIows)
(# BILL CONTI: ''Theme From Rocky'')
OK. Drop and give me 20.
(# OINGO BOINGO: ''Weird Science'')
# She's aIive!
# AIive! Weird science
# Weird science
# PIastic tubes and pots and pans
# Bits and pieces And magic from the hand
# We're makin' Weird science! Ooh!
# PIastic tubes and pots and pans
# Bits and pieces And bits and pieces
# And bits of My creation!
# Is it reaI?
# It's my creation Ooh! My creation
# It's my creation
# Weird science
# Weird
# Ooh!
# Weird science Ooh!
# Magic and technoIogy
# Voodoo doIIs and chants EIectricity
# We're makin' Weird science!
# Fantasy and microchips
# Bits and pieces And bits and pieces
# And bits of My creation!
# Is it reaI?
# It's my creation!
# I do not know
# No hesitation
# No heart of goId
# Just fIesh and bIood
# I do not know I do not know
# From my heart and from my hand
# Why don't peopIe understand
# My intentions
# Ooh ooh ooh! Weird science! Ooh!
# Ooh!
# Weird science
# Magic and technoIogy
# Voodoo doIIs and chants
# Weird science
# Things I've never seen before
# Behind boIted doors
# Whoa whoa ooh! Weird science! Ooh!
# Weird
# Weird science
Ooh!
# Whoa whoa ooh!
# Bits and pieces Bits and pieces
# Bits and pieces of Weird science
# Bits and pieces
# It's my creation! Is it reaI?
# It's my creation!
# I do not know Ooh!
# No hesitation
# Is it reaI?
# Just fIesh and bIood
Just fIesh and bIood
# Weird science Weird science
# Weird weird weird Weird science... #